Out of Ignorance


I do at times have the ability to entirely baffle myself with the things that come out of my mouth.
In a recent conversation this past Good Friday, I found myself, as I have quite a bit as of late, upset over the phone. It wasn't the person’s fault (they know who they are) on the other end of the line, it was mine. I just was not willing to admit that out of my own ignorance. I have the tendency to wrap myself “too much” into emotions, and at many times, I let those same emotions dictate the actions that I take. This is me admitting that is not a good thing. It is one thing to feel, it is another thing to let passion take over.
Regardless, during the conversation, the two of us turned to reflecting on how God feels about the situation that we were addressing, and I found myself regrettably becoming even angrier at the mention of God in respect to all of it. The individual on the other end of the phone even reminded me “be careful what you say, He might just give you the thing you joke about.” I was cocky. They were right.
Who am I to even think I have a chance against the power of God? Who am I to think that I am even strong enough to face against Him if He was able to speak the world into existence without even lifting that so much as a celestial finger? That’s the point that I am trying to make. In all of His humbleness, He took something like me, that in respect to everything else is nothing, and cares so much for me that I have the audacity to think that I am something more even than He is. And Him being God, He is everything. Awfully bloated opinion of myself there, huh?
Allow me to bring up Good Friday then. The day when the light of the world was removed from the world. The day when God decided to die. When He allowed Himself to die. For us, of course.
After my tantrum, I thought about how selfish that was for me to even suggest that I had some sort of ground to stand on in a “battle” against the almighty. He has given me so much, and I still find the audacity to pick a fight? Everyone loves Advent, where the season is bright and happy, for the Son of God, the one that saves us is to be born. But not everyone loves the season of Lent. Interesting that we as humanity have the knee-jerk reaction to halfway ignore one of the most important, if not actually, the most important season of the church. Lent describes the true power of God, and the extent so much so to which that He loves us.
We simply do not acknowledge it enough that the Lord had all of the power in the omnium of that to which we can grasp of creation to be able to not have to die on the cross. Yet, He did anyway. For us. Not to settle a score, not to prove a point, not to showboat across Hell, but simply so we would be able to grasp a single shred of just how much He loves us and how powerful He truly is. The Son of God, who is of God, and who is our Lord, subjected Himself to so much pain on Good Friday that His heart literally, physically, broke. This was after of course, the multiple whippings, His back muscles and tissue being shredded to nothing more that of ribbons, and the complicated, painful, and multi-systematic sequence of death that occurs when one is to go through the ancient Roman process of crucifixion.
Physical death aside, Christ also faced death in spirit. Think about the last time that you had a relationship fail. It can be with anyone, friend, family member, romantic interest, significant other, you name it. Think about how much it hurt. Now add onto that feeling the worst guilt that you can imagine. NOW, add onto that feeling the most loneliness that you can contrive. NOW, add onto that the crushing weight of the worst stress that you can create and multiply that Godforsaken cocktail of pain by a couple million (which wouldn’t even do justice to the actual magnitude). Imagine then with me, as I fight back the urge to sob from my own guilt of thinking I had even an edge on being able to fight God, the combination of physical pain and death that Jesus faced while His spirit died at the same time. What a day of days.
It’s not over either. When it was all said and done on earth, the same pain continued, and magnified in Hell. The Son of Man, the Messiah, the Savior from God (of God, and one in three parts with God), descended into Hell to pay for the sins that you and I commit without even thinking twice. So we may truly know that we are loved, and so we may truly be able to glimpse at the power of God, Christ humbled Himself and suffered in Hell for us. Yet, I find the opportunity to be able to be smug in the face of God.
What a chuckle I hope God had while I halfway cursed Him on Good Friday.
This is as much a confession to the community of our Lord Christ for myself as it is a reminder to others that follow Him. No matter what we do, no matter how much we learn, how much confidence we garner, or what training regimen we take on, we will forever be ignorant compared to the Lord. Yet, He loves us, cares for us, and means for us to succeed anyways.
The only way that I can possibly be let on to try to give back to Him then is to just continually understand that I am ignorant. I will forever need Him, and I will never be able to ever do anything on my own without Him. Realizing that time and time again throughout my young life, I can’t really say anything else but that I am glad. I am glad because He always finds a way to remind me what truly is important and what truly is the way of the universe.

Without Him, you and I both would be nothing.

***All contained text reflects the beliefs of Trent Hillier and ONLY Trent Hillier. No other associated churches, denominational authorities, parties, sponsors, or employers to Trent Hillier have condoned or are associated with the included text***

***Attached Imagery property of the NATIONAL CATHOLIC REGISTRY (NCR) concerning the Shroud of Turin***

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